Societal Expectations of Femininity and Their Impact on my Identity

    I identify as female and as a woman, and have most of my life. I feel as though I dress, look, and speak as modern society expects me to–although that does not necessarily mean that I conform to all stereotypes about young white female-identifying people. However at one point in my life, I felt so strongly that I was unable to align and identify with female stereotypes that I struggled with my gender identity. I cannot relate to the frilly pink aesthetic that seems to be so intertwined with womanhood, I do not like being submissive and quiet, and I have known that I do not want children since the age of 10, so I struggle to feel nurturing and maternal. Despite growing up in a supportive, feminist household, I felt uncomfortable being perceived as female and a woman by my school and peers, as it felt that because I was not enough of a girl for society, I was becoming an intruder. Looking back, this was not particularly true–just because I felt as though I could not fit the female stereotypes did not mean I had to alienate myself from the group as a whole. While this greatly affected the way I perceived myself, it did little for my external appearance, which made me feel more isolated from my female peers. Because of this, I began to dress more masculine and styled my hair differently. I finally began to relax slightly when realizing that my friend was having a similar experience. To know we both felt disconnected from our female identities ironically brought me a sense of girlhood. My own experience with struggling with gender identity, however, does not undermine others’ who continue to feel comfortable in their own skin everyday. While I personally do not particularly struggle with this problem anymore, it is essential to acknowledge the pressures from society that pushed me to begin thinking a certain way about my identity.

    Dating back to the creation of humankind, women have been viewed as lesser than men. Societal expectations of femininity include being quiet, submissive, and nurturing. They may think of the color pink, which invokes thoughts of softness. On the other hand, social expectations of masculinity include power, strength, and independence. As a white woman, people may perceive me as somewhat innocent, unknowing, ditsy, and an apologist for racist actions of the past. Additionally, especially referring to my gender, people may think of me as maternal, soft, emotional, and dependent or submissive. Overall, due to my race and gender, people are likely to view me as someone who is unaware of the world around them, because it appears perfect from the outside. However, when the scripts change for people who have the same “gender” as me but a different “race” or “ethnicity”,  this overall narrative that people have of women can drastically differ. Black women may be seen as aggressive, Asian women as nerdy or smart, Latina/Hispanic women as housemaids, and Native/Indigenous women as promiscuous. When referring to sexual orientation, queer women are often fetishized by heterosexual men, and as a result, lesbian porn is more sought after than heterosexual porn. Despite this, lesbian women are often seen as tomboy-ish and masculine while bisexual and pansexual women are completely overlooked. As for class, upper class women are seen as dependent on their husbands and as stay at home mothers, while lower class women, especially if they are single mothers, are left unnoticed and unappreciated. However, one overall common thing that all of these women are seen as is sexual figures. Women as a race are hypersexualized by society–their bodies, sexual orientations, classes, and ethnicities fetishized in a power imbalance that men will continue to have the power in for years to come.